I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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