She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
