Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
