what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize