Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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