I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
