do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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