this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
