We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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