I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't deserve a penis
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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