he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
