Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
