went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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