I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
