Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
