Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
