So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
