What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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