just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
