STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
