I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
