my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
