I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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