If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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