If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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