Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
