That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
