I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
