apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize