kristin has been a bad kristin
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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