I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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