I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need moral support for this bender
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
