If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize