yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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