My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
