NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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