doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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