I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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