i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
