I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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