i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
