you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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