I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
