his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
