The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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