Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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