omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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