i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
