Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize