I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
