yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
