Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
