You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
