I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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