at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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