thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
