You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
