this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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