I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
