Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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